Murder on the Magical Mystery Tour
by xlnthands
Summary: Eames and Goren are going sleuthing with Ross and Rogers. The dead bodies are piling up on board the Magical Mystery Tour Cruise. Can Bobby find the killer? Can Eames ever get the right drink? Can Ross keep his hands to himself?
1. A Hudson River Mystery

**A/N:** This one is for SexyScottishDoc. You asked for just one scene of this, remember? Well I never do anything by halves. Some of Bobby's words in this story are **in bold **and have been taken as direct quotes from a group of extremely talented men. At one point, I do reveal who he is quoting but feel free to guess before hand.

I hope you all find this story funny and entertaining. There are a few rule you must follow in order to read this story. Firstly, you must place your tongue firmly in you cheek and leave it there. You may, at times, use your tongue to cluck sadly over the various dead victims found herein and you also may feel the need to swirl it about in your mouth in response to the various mild naughty bits also found herein, but then you must replace your tongue back in your cheek where it belongs. Secondly, you must suspend belief, there is no canon in this story. Should you feel the need to stop down and question whether Bobby would do that or Alex would wear that, just repeat the follow phrase ten times until you are again under the spell of the storyteller. "Follow the yellow brink road, follow the yellow brick road, follow the yel……okay you may now proceed.

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Murder on the Magical Mystery Tour

Chapter 1 A Hudson River Mystery

**And now for something completely different……**

"I don't want to do this, Bobby! I'll leave and neither of you will ever see me again." Eames shook her finger under her partner's nose. "Miami, Los Angeles, Amsterdam, it makes no difference to me. There are plenty of other cities that could use a good female detective." She looked at both her Captain and her partner with contempt. "You are both insane!"

"It's only for the weekend, Detective and it'll be good publicity for our department." Ross didn't add that it was also an order. He leaned back in his chair and propped his feet on his desk. _Ah, yes, its good to be the king! _"Besides Rodgers and I will be there, you like Rogers don't you?"

Alex looked back to her partner but got no back up from him, he wanted to go too.

"Ah, come on Eames!" Bobby smiled at her and gave her the spoiled little detective dance that was meant to say, if I beg enough you'll do what I want. "It'll be fun."

Alex watched the two men exchange glances. Bobby was chomping at the bit and Ross was bringing his girlfriend so he had his own agenda. "Fine, whatever." Alex said in disgust. "But I am not wearing that stupid hat!"

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Two days later, Alex came in to catch her partner with his feet on his desk reading the society pages of the NY Times.

"I didn't know you were so interested in the Hilton sisters." She commented on his reading material.

Bobby poked his head around the paper and raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you kidding? Did you see that video on the internet?" He said lasciviously. "Actually, I was looking for this." He folded the paper over, set it down in front of her and jabbed the storyline with one long finger.

_**NYPD Finest to Square Off against the **_

_**Grande Dame of Murder Mysteries**_

_In an event that is sure to raise a significant amount of financial support for the Victims of Cyberchondria _(see today's article in the health section)

_some of the best detectives from New York's Major Case division will bring their wits to bear on a "whodunit" aboard the Agatha Christie Magical Murder _

_ Mystery Tour Cruise_. _We have it on good authority that Daniel Ross, Captain of the Major Case squad will not only be present but will be bringing his _

_ very own Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot along to unravel the clues and catch the murderer. A good time is sure to be had by all._

"I think I'm going to throw up." Eames said seriously. "You get to play the debonair Belgian detective. While I'm supposed to be some doddering old lady in a bad hat."

Bobby looked at her, his lips pursed sympathetically. "I know you see yourself as more the Stephanie Plum type but Agatha Christie didn't have any nubile young female detectives in her repertoire."

"Figures that you've read Janet Evanovich." She sighed and took a sip of her coffee. "They never had anybody like Joe Morelli when I was in vice or maybe I'd still be there." Alex snorted into her coffee cup at the double take her partner did when he heard her remark.

"Ha ha, very funny." Bobby said flatly. He ran his fingers through his sexy salt and pepper mane and Alex drummed her pen on her desk to keep her fingers from following the same course. "Its not going to be any picnic for me either. Hercule Poirot was what 5'4 or 5'5 tops."

"You think I'm nubile, huh? I can't wait to see you wearing a white suit, bowler hat and that prissy little mustache." Alex grinned at him her chin propped in her hand as she flipped the newspaper back across the desk to him. "So, we're all meeting here after work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Ross is having us arrive in a patrol car, for the publicity."

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It was time to go and Alex wasn't ready. She peeked out of the eleventh floor restroom. She could see Ross and Rogers were standing next to her desk. They were dressed up like Christie's famous dashing pair Tommy and Tuppence Beresford. Ross looked like a 1930s gangster in his "London cut" suit with the high pockets, wide lapel and shoulder pads. He did look nice his dark grey Fedora. Rogers was dolled up in smashing Kelly green drop waist dress that was softly tailored and she wore old fashioned black cloche style hat. The style suited her to a tee. Bobby had his back to her. She could only see the wide expanse of miles of white seersucker cloth that made up the jacket he was wearing. The pants he had on looked more like a throw back from the 70s with a very large flair at the leg. _He probably had trouble just finding a white pair of pants in his size_, Alex waxed philosophically. He had a white Fedora on his head and she couldn't wait to see him from the front.

No, actually, she could wait. Her costume had been easy, she had just gone and raided her Great Aunt Gertrude's closet. She was now wearing a white blouse with a high microscopic collar which had a cheap imitation broach sewn in place with a frumpy looking tweed jacket over the top and a grey shapeless skirt. On her head was perched a dusty black velvet hat that her Aunt only wore for weddings and funerals. She thought she actually looked kind of cute in the hat. Maybe _she_would wear it for a funeral too, The funeral of one Captain Ross.

She sighed deeply, squared her shoulders and stepped out of the restroom.

"Where's you're wig, detective?" Ross inspected her, taking in the hat and sensible shoes.

Rogers noticed the look of murder in Alex's eyes. "Uh, Danny, I think I left my bag in your office, can you go get it for me?"

"You know he's just going to pull rank if you don't wear it." Rogers told her with sympathy once he was out of earshot.

Alex said a dirty word and then another one and walked back into the restroom and pulled the grey wig out of the trash can. Bobby was sitting on her desk when she came back out, he twirled his tiny mustache and then ruined the effect by smiling shyly. His hat was perched on his head at a rakish angle. The fussy Belgian detective had never looked so sexy.

"Well, how do I look?" Alex looked up at him from under the feather protruding from her hat.

Bobby tweaked one silver curl between his fingers. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I think you are the sexiest senior citizen I've ever seen."

"Come on you two, the patrol car's waiting for us." Bobby grabbed a bottle of water off his desk and they all headed for the elevator.

Once they were descending from the eleventh floor, Bobby took a bottle of pills from his pocket, unscrewed the childproof cap and downed one of the pills with a swallow of water.

Ross watched him suspiciously. "I hope you have some sort of prescription for that, detective."

Bobby glanced up at him, surprised. "Seasickness pills." He looked over at Eames. "It's a cruise, right? I get seasick. My mom's doctor gave them to me."

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They arrived amid a flurry of flashes from the various press photographers. Ross and Rogers were hamming it up for the cameras and one female photographer had pushed her way between Eames and Goren and was snapping away with her Nikon, telling him how much the camera loved him. Alex used the tip of her Miss Marple umbrella on the woman's foot and pulled Bobby up the gangplank.

They entered the salon of the cruise ship and were met by an older woman wearing an ornate gown with her silver hair set in old fashioned waves. The resemblance to the Grande Dame of Mystery stopped there. Alex had seen pictures of Agatha Christie, the lady had been positively regal looking. This woman looked like Camilla Parker Bowles in a cheap dress.

"Welcome, Captain Ross! I'm Marjorie Weems the owner of Magical Mystery Tour Cruises and I am also one of the performers. We've been expecting you and I see you've brought your own Miss Marple and Monsieur Poirot with you." Alex shook the woman's hand and then looked over her shoulder expecting to see her partner next to her. He was standing further away looking at the brochure racks on the wall.

"Let's get through this cruise before we think about booking another one." Alex whispered in his ear as she came over to where he stood.

"I d-don't f-feel so good." Bobby stammered. Alex looked at him narrowly and could see that he had a slightly unfocused look to his eyes.

"Eames, Goren, we're going in now." Ross said and both of his detectives followed him into the banquet room. The ship's horn blared as the vessel pulled away from the docks.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight we have a special mystery for you to solve in the style of the late, great Miss Agatha Christie." There was a round of applause by the guests for Marjorie Weems' announcement. "We also have some very special sleuths who are joining us tonight. Please help me welcome Captain Daniel Ross of New York's Major Case division, Dr Barbara Rogers, Medical Examiner, Detective Alexandra Eames and Detective Robert Goren." A spotlight was directed to their table effectively blinding them all but allowing the rest of the patrons to get a good look at them.

Bobby stood up and bowed deeply. **"Every time I try to talk to someone, it's sorry this and forgive me that and I'm not worthy…"**

Alex grabbed a hold of his sleeve and pulled him back down in his seat. "What the hell did you say?"

"God," his words slurred. "God said that."

"What are you talking about and why the hell are you speaking in an English accent?" She hissed at him. Ross was looking at them both with displeasure but as Marjorie was speaking again, he turned his attention to her.

"Our performance will begin right after dinner and you will all have until the luncheon on Sunday to solve the mystery. Good luck to you all and happy sleuthing."

A very bland menu of chalky chicken or rubbery fish was served. Everyone tucked in and began to eat. Alex kept glancing at her partner, but he ate with a hearty appetite and seemed to be okay. During the dessert service of chocolate cake the flavor of wet cardboard, the staff began distributing thin binders bearing the name of the cruise ship emblazoned on them in bold colors.

"What are these?" Alex asked.

"They are your case books, to write down the clues you find, to remember questions you want to ask, things like that."

"Thanks, I have my own." Bobby grinned with a chuckle, holding up his leather binder. He opened the bottle of pills and popped another one.

"Are you supposed to take another one so soon?" Alex asked suspiciously.

"We're going to be investigating, I probably won't get another chance." He looked at her darkly. "Trust me, you don't want to see what will happen to me if I don't take something."

The waiters were just bringing the coffee when a scream rang out from somewhere in the salon. The intrepid four bound up and out of their seats along with the rest of crowd. There, lying directly on top of the company logo that was woven into the carpet, lay Marjorie Weems, dead with a knife protruding out of her chest.

Bobby immediately bent down next to the body. Alex had a stupendous view of the seat of Goren's white pants as she was standing directly behind him. She rolled her eyes and knelt beside him just as Bobby reached over to touch the blood surrounding the wound with his finger. He glanced at Alex and then put his finger in his mouth. Alex felt her rubbery fish roil over in her stomach.

"It's ketchup." They both noticed the dead body was now frowning in disapproval.

"Alright, detectives get up from there and let everyone else have a chance to

view the corpse." Ross told them plaintively.

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**A/N:** All the chapters are named after Agatha Christie novels and there are references to many other fictional detectives.

This first chapter is named after Christie's book A Caribbean Mystery.

Cybercondria is the fictional affliction suffered by people who look up illnesses on the internet and then suffer from them.

If you haven't read Janet Evanovich, you should, you really should. Stephanie Plum is her sleuth in the guise of a female bounty hunter. Joe Morelli is the love interest and is a sex god, lesser so than Bobby but you get the picture.

Did anyone catch the Beatles reference of the Magical Mystery Tour?

Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot are two of Christie's most famous detectives.

Yes, I know we've seen Bobby on boats with no sign of nausea but truthfully it's only been for short periods of time and mostly above deck, and its my story dammit!


	2. One, Two, Glue a Moustache

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews and alerts. I realized this may not be everyone's cup of tea, but once the idea caught fire, I couldn't help myself.

Chapter 2 One, two, Glue a Moustache

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The crowd milled around the body for a short while, one enthusiastic woman with a strawberry blonde wig and a wardrobe straight out of a 1958 Harper's Bazaar magazine, trod on Alex's foot in her haste to reach the Mike Hammer_ish _looking guy next to her. "Watch it, Nancy Drew." Alex mouthed at her as she passed in a very unMiss. Marple-like tone.

A man in a shiny, bargain basement suit entered the salon. "What's this? What has some diabolical fiend done to my precious mother?" The man dropped to his knees and began to keen over Marjorie's body.

"What a ham." Alex said out of the side of her mouth to Rogers.

"I saw this guy in a bit part on CSI last week, he was the body." Rogers told her in the same tone.

"Only you would recognize the corpse on a TV show. I assume we're supposed to question him, find out if he knows anything, about anything, at all, ever?"

"Don't look at me, I don't question people, I let my scalpel do my talking."

The ladies held back and let an eager Ross jump in and question this latest source of information. This was actually the first time Alex had watched her superior officer question a suspect in the field. He didn't get much information. The man was Marjorie's son, Reginald Weems a stockbroker from Hoboken. Seriously? Alex thought. Reginald had come to introduce his lady love to his mother. Her name was Tiffany Gold. Seriously? Alex thought again.

Our Miss Marple looked around for her partner and was confounded to find he was sniffing a voluptuous blonde who was standing off to the side. She was wearing a cocktail dress, very high heels and ridiculously, a feather boa. Bobby was oblivious to the fact that he was making the woman wholly uneasy. His fake Poirot mustache was only hanging on by a small bit of glue. Alex watch with amusement, as the mustache finally let go and floated gracefully down the blonde's cleavage.

Reginald was emoting his lines from the script again. "Oh, I so wanted Mother to meet the woman of my dreams. Wherever can she be?"

The fleshy blonde gave a squeak and extracted herself from Bobby who was only trying to recover his property. "Here I am, Reginald. Oh, what happened to your poor mother?" Rogers and Alex exchanged commiserating looks of suffering. Alex noticed Goren writing in his binder.

Our Miss Marple felt a headache coming on. The type of headache that would only be cured by being able to get off the boat in the next five minutes or by the ritualistic torture and murder of her boss. She made her way over to the bar instead. The guy tending bar was perfunctory in the extreme. She ordered a Vodka Martini easy on the vermouth and noticed the bar keep never even bothered to look at her. _It must be the wig_, she sighed deeply. The bar keep kept his eyes on the glass doors leading out to the salon and the crime scene. She sputtered as she tasted the concoction in the glass he placed in front of her. "I said easy vermouth, I think you poured in the whole bottle."

"Oh, sorry." The bartender grabbed the glass and then proceeded to make her a mai tai with a piece of celery sticking out of it. Alex gulped down the concoction while tossing the celery stalk over her shoulder in disgust.

"Is this where the salad chucking contest is being held?" A tall, handsome man sat down on the stool next to her and laid her celery stalk on top of the bar.

"Who are you, Perry Mason?" Alex looked him over taking in the understated dark grey suit, dove colored dress shirt and power tie. He didn't look like the rest of the mystery enthusiasts.

"Nothing so dramatic. I'm David Abernathy, Marjorie Weems' accountant. As soon as she's done playing dead for the evening, we have a business meeting." He motioned to the bartender and ordered a gin and tonic.

"Well, it must be a long meeting if you're willing to spend your weekend stuck on this tub." Alex downed her mai tai and threw the stock of celery at the bartender to get his attention.

"You don't appear to be the most eager Miss Marple I've ever seen here before although you are the prettiest. Don't you want to snoop for clues, skulk around in the dark, and ask leading question?" The man really did have an engaging smile.

"Busman's holiday." Alex answered eyeing the grasshopper with a slice of lemon the damn bartender had just set in front of her.

"Come again?" David looked at her, taking in her tiny frame and silly costume.

"I'm a cop." When he continued to look at her incredulously, she let the panel of the ugly tweed jacket fall away to reveal her gun. Alex didn't let it show in her features but, scaring the hell out of bar flies was still one of her favorite pastimes.

"You don't say? So what do I call you? Officer?"

"Detective Eames. Alex" She shook his hand.

"Did you come alone or…."

The accountant never got to finish his query as he felt a large hand descend on his shoulder. Bobby reached between the man and Alex to pick up the grasshopper from the bar. She couldn't help but grin at the effect of Goren holding the tiny glass with the impossibly green concoction floating inside.

"Bartender, does this look like a Vodka Martini with easy vermouth? Bobby had shoved the glass under the man's nose. He agreed most profoundly that it did not and got busy with his glasses and bottles again.

"Bobby, this is David, Marjorie's accountant." Alex made the introductions. She noticed that her partner wasn't entirely steady on his feet and chalked it up to the motion of the ship. Goren shook the man's hand and then pulled the accountant's pant leg up and inspected his shoes. What's that yellow stuff on your shoes there David?"

"I don't know, I was in the kitchen earlier, I guess I stepped in something." The accountant did not look happy about being manhandled or having his messy shoes brought to everyone's attention.

"Alex, you're falling behind in the investigation." Ross said to her as he came up to the bar. He ordered a Cuba Libra for himself and incredibly, a Fuzzy Navel for Rogers.

"Sorry Captain. I needed a shot of Dutch courage in order to keep up with you." Ross looked at her askance. "Well, you missed another couple of suspects. "Lady Weems' brother and niece both made an appearance."

"They are George and Susan Van der Holt." Bobby read from his binder. "George is a ladies shoe tycoon responsible for the resurgence of the Espadrille and Susan is a college student active in macramé competitions and Green Peace. And," added Goren, "they didn't do it." The bartender handed him Alex's martini, he held it up to the light and inspected it. He then handed it to his partner sloshing a little over the rim.

"How did you determine that, Detective?" Ross asked his subordinate testily.

"Easy, they are both too short for the angle of the supposed entry wound." Ross looked at Rogers and she nodded her confirmation.

"Wow, this is actually really impressive," David the accountant smiled at the whole group. "Watching real life cops puzzle out Marjorie's little mystery."

"**Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." **Said Detective Goren with a very serious expression in a very bad French accent.

The accountant looked around the group but the three other NYPD members were looking at Bobby. "Excuse me? David asked.

Bobby waved both hands toward him in a shooing motion. **"Go away or I shall taunt you a second time." **David didn't have to be told twice, he left.

"Your partner is acting weirder than usual, Eames. Sober him up or I'll have him locked in a cabin for the duration of the trip."

Alex was just about to speak but her partner got to his feet and placed both hands heavily on the Captain's shoulders. For one naïve moment, she actually believed that Bobby was going to offer some plausible reason for his words**. "You are like a stream of bat piss." **The English accent was back. Alex found it strangely captivating.

"That's it! I'm having him locked up! Get him off me, Eames!" Bobby had lurched forward. The two men looked like they were slow dancing. Alex spared a look at Rogers whose mouth was hanging open like a trap door.

"Come, on, Bobby. Let's get you to your cabin." Trying to pry her partner off the Captain was no mean feat.

Bobby suddenly stood up and wiped his hands over his eyes. Alex could see some semblance of rational thought return to his countenance **"Captain, when I said you were like a stream of bat piss, I only meant that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark." **He gave the Captain one of his most brilliant smiles and then kissed him on the cheek.

"Agh! Alex, I'm warning you!" Between the three of them they managed to deposit Goren into a booth at the back of the bar.

Eames rifled through Bobby's pockets and handed the bottle of pills to Rogers. "Could these be making him loopy?"

"I don't see how." The woman said, reading the bottle. "This is for nausea and vomiting and perversely the most common side effect is nausea and vomiting. Even if he was allergic, it shouldn't be making him talk like John Cleese."

"You know what he's been talking about?" The other two said in unison.

"Monty Python. He's quoting lines from Life of Brian and from The Holy Grail" The M.E. said smugly, enjoying having it over on the two investigators.

"How do we know that the pills are what it says on the bottle?" Alex asked.

Rogers said nothing but gave Eames a prissy look and unscrewed the cap. She looked at one of the pills, then smelled it and looked sharply up at Ross. "I don't know what this is, but I'm pretty sure that its not what's listed on the bottle."

Ross looked a little less murderous at the news. "We still need to do something with him."

Alex was just about to suggest a solution when another scream split the air. The three looked at each other and then looked at Goren who was sitting very calmly and intently studying the wood grain of the table. He looked docile and happy. They took off in the direction of the scream.

In the kitchen, a group was standing around the walk-in freezer. Alex pushed her way forward, with Ross at her heels. Lying on the ground was one of the waiters. He was young, between 20 and 25 years of age. His hair was blonde with a smooth baby face. He had a knife protruding from his chest in approximately the same location as Marjorie. Alex bent over for a closer look. She ran her finger through the blood of the wound and turned to the Captain. "This isn't ketchup. This man is dead."

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A/N Chapter two is named after the Christie book One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

A busman's holiday is a working vacation for example if a bus driver were to take a vacation on a bus or do a lot of driving on his vacation. So Alex's busman's holiday is being a detective and then going on a murder mystery cruise.


	3. A Pocketful of Pills

**A/N:** FYI-Infinitystar pointed out that Rogers first name is really Elizabeth I really thought it was Barbara *shrugs lol*. Since I'm too lazy to go back and search for all the Barbaras and change them, Rogers is Barbara for this story but, please know, I stand corrected. ;-)

Chapter 3 A Pocket Full of Pills

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Rogers took over examination of the body and Alex stood up and looked at her Captain. She saw Bobby come into the freezer behind him. "Do you smell the lemons?"

Ross wheeled around and grabbed hold of the big detective trying to propel him out of the kitchen before any of the cruise patrons could hear his wild ramblings. Bobby stood firmly, looking Eames in the eye as his superior continued to tug and pull ineffectively.

"Lemons?" Alex asked, knowing he was trying to tell her something. There was a waiter's tray sitting on one of the freezer shelves that had several slices of lemon on it.

"Yeah, the lemons have gotten around tonight." Bobby said in a accent worthy of Eliza Doolittle herself. Ross gave up and left in search of a killer.

Rogers bent over the body and pulled back one of the waiter's eyelids. "I'll have to check for sure back at the lab, but I'd say he got squirted in the eye with lemon juice."

"So, the killer blinded him and then stabbed him while he was vulnerable."

Alex glanced at her partner who was nodding his head. The nods were getting bigger the longer it when on. She placed both hands on the side of his face to stop him from self-imposed whiplash. He put his own hands over hers. Alex noticed a little of the glue from the mustache still clinging to his upper lip, she licked a finger and began to clean it off. "What's going on with you, Bobby?" She asked softly, his nearness and the feel of his skin against her finger having a profound effect.

His eyes darkened as his mouth turned up into a sexy grin. **"If I told you, you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"**

She heard Roger's snicker mirthfully at Bobby's remark. Alex sighed deeply, wishing he would have asked her that when he wasn't chemically impaired. "You have a low sense of humor, Barbara."

Alex took Bobby by the hand. He would get into less trouble if she could keep him with her and besides she doubted the thin walls of a cut-rate cruise ship cabin could keep Bobby inside if he decided he wanted to leave. Rogers trailed after them. They asked a steward where they could find Marjorie. At the very least, the woman needed to be informed that one of her crew members lay dead in the meat freezer.

They were shown to a dressing room door. Ross was coming down the hallway from the opposite end. Alex knocked on the door and was told to enter. Marjorie's eyes bulged at the entourage that was seeking to gain entry to her dressing room. She had removed the ornate gown and was now ensconced deeply and to overflowing effect into a dark red satin evening dress with miles of fabric in the skirt and millimeters of fabric barely covering the essentials in the bodice. Her companion, David Abernathy, didn't appear comfortable. Eames wasn't sure if it was from being interrupted or being found possibly in flagrante delicto with Ms. Weems.

Alex looked at the man coolly and was satisfied to see him squirm. Bobby was, however overjoyed to be back with his old pal. He kept nudging David with his elbow and winking at him implying the impropriety in which he was found.

Ross watched the whole thing with contempt although Alex wasn't sure if it was directed toward Abernathy or to her partner.

"Ms. Weems, one of your waiters has been found murdered." Alex told her, gauging her reaction. "He appears to have been stabbed in the same manner as your character in the play this evening."

Marjorie looked to Ross for confirmation. "How can this be? Which man was it?" She began to fan herself with her hand to no effect.

"He was tall, young, blonde." Ross told her guiding her over to a chaise lounge against one wall.

"Oh, that was Malcolm, this was his first cruise with us. He was a lovely boy. He was recommended by one of our players, Missy Hastings."

"Which part does she play?"

"Oh, she was my son's, I mean my fictional son's, fiancé, Tiffany Gold."

Bobby leaned against Alex and whispered in her ear. "Lemons" Alex batted her hand at him. His breath was tickling her ear and causing her to forget what she wanted to ask.

"Where can we find Missy right now?"

Marjorie consulted her watch. "They should be starting the second act right about now. That takes place up on deck behind the swimming pool."

"Mr. Abernathy, you said you were in the kitchen earlier, why?" Alex rounded on the man.

"I was looking for Marjorie. I wanted to see where she wanted to have our meeting this evening."

"Did you see anyone else?"

"Yeah, the chef, the other kitchen staff, I think, I even saw the waiter you're talking about. He was heading toward the back of the kitchen."

"Was anyone with him?"

"Yeah, the bartender was with him."

When they left Marjorie's dressing room, Ross and Rogers turned right toward the stairs leading to the upper deck and to the setting of Scene Two. Alex, with a firm grip on Bobby's sleeve, turned left back toward the bar.

"It's 10:30 now, we'll meet back here at 11pm sharp and compare notes." Ross called over his shoulder, authoritatively.

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The bar was deserted when Bobby and Alex walked back into the room. The bottle of pills was no longer sitting on the booth table where they left them.

"Where are they, Goren?" Alex began to rifle through his pockets for the pills as Bobby valiantly fought off her advances. He began to sing: "**He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken." **His partner marveled at a brain that could speak in an English accent, taunt in a French one and now sing in a Irish baritone.

Alex finally located the bottle in his front pants pocket, the last place she allowed herself to search. He made a grab for the bottle and toppled the both of them over on top of the table. **"Oh well, what the hell, in for a penny, in for a pound, as they say." **Bobby whispered, again with the pronunciation of an Oxford grad. He stared decidedly at her mouth and then began to rub his lips over hers in deliciously skilled strokes.

Alex saw stars and reminded herself to find out what in blue blazes was in that pill bottle for future reference. She was content to continue this enjoyable enterprise as long as it lasted but her pleasure was interrupted by the sounds of snoring. Pushing at her partner, she could see his eyes were closed and his mouth was still pursed in a kiss. A loud and long series of blasphemous and profane words spilled from her mouth as she struggled single-handedly to slither out from under her partner and let him fall to the relatively soft cushions of the bar booth. She gave him one regretful glance over her shoulder as she left him there. At least the pill bottle was now on her person. The effects of the medication should wear off in time.

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Sitting in one of the window seats surrounding the salon was a mousy little woman with dark hair. Alex wouldn't even had seen her but she heard her crying as she entered the salon on her way to the upper deck in search of her Captain.

"Hi, I'm Alex. Are you okay?"

"Judy, Judy Jankowsky. I play Susan Van der Holt." The woman said through her tears. "You're one of the detectives right? One of the real detectives?" Alex nodded. "Malcolm was my boyfriend, do you have any idea what happened to him?" A fresh burst of tears came cascading down from her doe eyes.

"Not yet, but we're working on it." Alex leaned over in an unconscious impersonation of her partner to catch the woman's attention. "How long have you been acquainted with Malcolm?"

"I've known him for three years, he goes to NYU with me but we really only got together about two months ago. He's studying, I mean he was studying to be an accountant."

"How long have you been with the cruise line?"

"I started last summer. It's an easy way to make some money and paid acting gigs are hard to find."

"You're an actress?" Alex asked flatly.

"Yeah, I had the lead in Grease at my high school senior play."

"Who didn't?" Alex asked under her breath.

"What?"

"Uh, never mind. If you've worked here so long, why is that Marjorie Weems says Missy Hastings recommended Malcolm for the wait staff position here?" Why not you?"

"I don't work in the kitchen. Kevin knew about the job and told Missy his girlfriend. She's Malcolm's sister, or actually half sister, that's why they have different last names."

Alex felt her headache come back, she wished her partner was here. He was much better at keeping the convolution of who was what to whom straight than she was. "Who is Kevin?"

"The bartender."

"Um, oh, I see." Alex patted the girl's hand and assured her that everything that could be done was being done and took off again in search of Ross and Rogers.

She found them standing on the upper deck, facing one another with the full moon sliding into the water behind their silhouettes. Alex cleared her throat loudly and watched both of them nearly jump over the rail.

"What have you found, Eames? And where is your partner? "Ross turned away slightly and applied his handkerchief to his lips, it came away with smudges that were, shockingly, the color of Rogers' lipstick. Barbara suddenly found the contents of her warm Fuzzy Navel to be fascinating.

"The bartender wasn't tending bar any longer. I suggest we make an effort to find him. I left Goren to sleep it off in one of the booths." Ross looked as thought he was about to say something but Alex interrupted him. "I had a talk with Judy Jankowsky, the one playing the niece, this old tub is a regular Sex in the City. She's sleeping with the dead waiter. The bartender is sleeping with the feather boa'd actress and Marjorie is having cozy tête-à-tête with her accountant in her dressing room"

"We need to see the Captain of this boat and have him head back to shore as soon as possible." Ross said decisively. "I'll have the Captain make an announcement to the passengers that the mystery and other activities are canceled.

"I think we should gather everyone into one area so we can question them. We have no way of knowing if Malcolm was killed by a staff member or a passenger. We need to meet the rest of the staff and begin checking out everyone's alibis."

"Okay Miss Marple, I'll leave you in charge of organizing the Denouncement. The banquet room will work well for that I should think." Ross grasped Rogers by the waist. "Come, my dear. How would you like to steer the boat?" Rogers flashed a schoolgirl smile behind her aimed at Alex and left with her significant other.

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A/N This chapter was named after the Christie book A Pocket Full of Rye

The nudging and winking that Bobby does to David Abernathy is also a Monty Python skit wherein one quickly sees that anything can be made to seem improper and risqué if you nudge and wink after you say it.

The Denouncement is a classic in early detective literature especially the English Drawing Room mysteries. The ending Chapters always call for the sleuth to gather all of the suspects into one room and then begin to lay out the facts and clues of the case. Usually the detective seems to begin to accuse one suspect and then another before rounding and pointing an accusatory finger at some 80 year old woman or the family dog or classically, the butler as the culprit.


	4. The Boa'd Lady

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed and alerted. It is so nice to know that I am not alone, there are others out there as looney as I am, lol.

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Chapter 4 The Boa'd Lady

Alex pulled the velvet hat off of her head and placed it inside of the umbrella to return to her aunt. Her head was sweating under the grey wig, she tossed it onto one of the serving dishes in the banquet room on her way to the bar to check on her partner. She was nonplussed to find Bobby gone again but saw that Kevin, the bartender was back at his post. Several of the cruise patron were under his care as they drank, complained and commiserated with each other about what a lousy murder mystery this had turned out to be. Her eyes raked over the crowd. Goren was no where in sight. Alex hesitated. She wanted to find her partner but she needed to question the surly bar keep as well.

She ordered another Vodka Martini and this time good old Kevin actually noticed her. Either losing the wig was an improvement or she looked odd with her damp hair pressed willy nilly all over her scalp. "So, Kevin I hear that you and Missy are an item.?"

"Who told you that?" He seemed uneasy at the question. He set her drink in front of her.

"Judy told me. It sounds like all of you made quite a foursome. Her and Malcolm, you and Missy. Such a coincidence you all ending up working on this boat?"

"Yeah, well," he snorted but gave no real answer.

"How long have you two been together?" Alex sipped her drink, not looking directly at the man.

"I'm not with her, we broke up."

"Why? Maybe she liked the account type over a lowly bar keep?"

Kevin looked at her and laughed. "You're fucking nuts, lady. What happened to your hair anyway?"

Alex was just about to pull her badge on little Kevin when an announcement came over the loud speakers.

"Attention ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking or…. Err….rather not your Captain. This is Captain Ross of NYPD Major Case. Your cruise schedule has been canceled due to unforeseen circumstances." There was a lot of murmuring going in the bar in response to this. "We will be returning to dock as soon as possible. We would appreciate having everyone meet in the banquet room to discuss further instructions." That sounded good, thought Alex and then she heard Ross begin to speak again. "I would also like to take this opportunity to ask if there is anyone on board with large vessel sailing experience. Please report to the Captain's office if you believe you may be of assistance."

Alex made her way to the Captain's office, not because she had any sailing experience, but to find out what the hell was going on. Several of her fellow passengers had the same idea and she was hard pressed to gain entry to the office without a mutiny.

Ross said nothing to her as she came up to him, he merely stepped to the side so that she could see the body of the ship's Captain slumped over his navigational charts, a machete sticking jauntily out of his back. "It appears he's been dead several hours." Said Rogers. "Longer than Malcolm, at any rate."

"And the ship?" Alex asked, looking at Ross.

"Its on some kind of automatic pilot and has been since we got out of the bay. I can't figure out how to cancel it. I was hoping to find someone aboard who could help before I radio the coast guard and harbor patrol." Ross said morosely. He hated being made a fool of and the press was going to have a hey day with this when the story got out. Being stuck on a pilotless boat was just like rubbing Margarita salt in the wound.

Marjorie Weems was keening at the top of her lungs in the corner of the chart room. David Abernathy was patting her ineffectually on the shoulder. "Come on Marjorie, now's not the time to fall apart." Alex hauled the older woman roughly to her feet. "You have a banquet room full of passengers who want their money back to deal with." She started to wail louder and Alex motioned with one finger for David Abernathy to follow her.

She got Marjorie to the banquet room and left her at the middle of a mob demanding answers and reimbursement.

Alex stood on a chair and looked over the crowd, still no Bobby and the bartender was nowhere to be found either. She determined to check for her partner on the upper deck and decided to go up by way of the bow staircase which would lead her through the cabin corridors. The corridor was deserted as nearly everyone was in the banquet hall but as Alex passed one cabin door she heard giggling and then a female voice.

"Oh, Detective you are so tall, I'll bet your tall down here too."

Alex stood transfixed to the plush repetitive patterned carpet of the corridor. She then uttered words that she never thought she would utter in a million years. "Open up, in the name of law!"

It was Bobby who answered the door, one long arm still wrapped around Missy Hastings. He had a pink feather stuck in his hair from the damn boa and a huge smile on his face. "Eames, I remembered where I left my mustache!"

Missy Hastings didn't seem as happy to see her. Her face was set in a simpering pout. She had just managed to remove her male companion's belt.

Alex weighed the possible ways in which she would like to inflict bodily harm to the slut. "Miss Hastings, everyone has gathered in the banquet hall for further instructions." She leaned closer to her so that her meaning was clear. "Move your ass now or I'll shove that mangy boa so far down your throat, you'll be farting feathers for a month."

It must have been something in her eyes, because Missy Hastings swallowed hard, dropped the belt and took off down the hall, leaving her boa behind.

"Eames, she still has my mustache." Bobby made a move to go after the woman.

"You can get another one." She said dryly. "How are you feeling?"

"Me? I feel fine. I told you those pills would keep me from getting seasick." Her partner told her affably. "What happened to your hair?"

Alex looked up at him. He looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Well, maybe she'd had too much to drink. He couldn't be bushy-tailed, no tail, but those eyes. He reached over and ran his fingers through her hair. It was now dry and stuck at odd angles all over her head. "I think I found something, Eames."

She stood up on tip toe leaning toward his mouth, yes his mouth, that was even more mesmerizing than his eyes. "What, what did you find?" She asked him, her voice husky. _Did you find that you can't keep your hands off me? That you can no longer live without me? What?_

"Look," he took a step back from her and pulled something out of Missy's waste paper basket. "I think old Kevin the bartender and Missy were an item but apparently she's no longer interested in him." When Alex could focus her eyes again she saw that he was holding a torn picture of the two cruise employees wrapped in each other's arms and ogling for the camera. Bobby was stooped over holding the basket so she could see the shards of glass and broken picture frame inside. He grinned up at her like a dog who had brought his master a bone.

Alex swore under her breath and tugged her partner out of the cabin. She did not see him extract a loose white pill from his other pants pocket and swallow it.

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The scene in the banquet hall had gone from bad to worse. Marjorie Weems was physically fighting with a portly rendition of Inspector Clouseau. David Abernathy was gamely trying to defend her. Kevin, the bartender had just stepped out from behind the bar as a decidedly non-pious Father Dowling and a Jessica Fletcher with a New Jersey accent took over pouring the drinks. Alex didn't feel the least bit sorry for him, he was a terrible bartender.

She and Goren caught sight of the Captain and Rogers making their way toward the stage. Ross leaned over to Alex as they approached. "This is an unmitigated disaster. We've managed to get the boat turned around and will be pulling back into the harbor in a couple of hours. Please tell me you've figured out whodunit so we can arrive back there with a suspect in cuffs."

"Sorry, Captain. For all I know it was Ms. Scarlet in the conservatory with a candlestick."

"Are all of the passengers and crew here in this room?" Bobby asked.

"Except for the dead ones, I'd say so." Rogers told him.

"If it's all right with you, Captain, I'd like to address the crowd." Alex made a move toward him, but Bobby gave her their subtle signal to back off and trust him.

"Are you telling me, that you've been half out of your mind all night, Detective Goren, but that you know who the killer is?" Ross' voice fairly dripped with sarcasm.

Bobby nodded, first at him and then at Eames, a shy smile played over his lips. "Yeah, I think I do. I still have a few questions, but I think I've got it."

Ross looked as though he was about to commit a murder of his own. Rogers laid a hand on his sleeve and both Alex and Bobby witnessed the miracle of watching Daniel Ross' blood pressure go down about ten points. He gestured for the other man to take the stage. "Alright, detective. This night couldn't possibly get any worse."

"Thanks, Captain, uh, that is, um I think." Bobby climbed the steps in front of the stage with Alex right behind him.

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**A/N:** This chapter is named after Christie's book The Veiled Lady

The line involving _Ms. Scarlet in the conservatory with a candlestick_ is in reference to an American board game called Clue where you have to find the murder suspect, the type of weapon used and the location in the creepy old mansion where the murder occurred. Yes I had a wonderful childhood.


	5. Yellow Lemons

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through this crazy, silly ride, mistakes and all. Bobby's actions of taking too much medication actually happened to me once with some over-the-counter cold medication. I kept waking up one night thinking it was time to take another dose. In the morning, or was it the afternoon, I looked in the box and saw that during the night, I had taken nine doses in about an eight hour period. Be careful with any medications, folks, take it from me.

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Chapter 5 Yellow Lemons

Bobby walked to the center of the stage and held up his hands to the crowd for silence. "Uh, ladies and gentlemen, can you hear me?" There was a smattering of reassurances from the passengers and crew.

"I'm Hercule Poirot." He passed a hand over his face. "I mean, I'm Detective Goren of NYPD Major Case. I know most of you came looking for a little excitement. You wanted a mystery to solve, a puzzle to work out." The crowd murmured in agreement. Alex relaxed a little, he was doing fine. The drugs must be wearing off.

"When Lady Weems' body turned up in the Salon, I was just as surprised as any of you." His words slurred slightly and Alex felt a gnawing start in the pit of her stomach. "Now, of course we know she wasn't really dead. I mean that blood was ketchup, Heinz 57 and not Hunts brand cuz that tastes different. I know cuz I checked it out, it seems they use a different ratio of tomatoes to spices…."

"Bobby!" Alex hissed at him. "I think we better go sit down."

"Oh, am I rambling off the point, sorry folks. Anyway the angle of the rubber knife entry wound was too great an angle for it to have been done by either of the Van der Holts." Alex scanned the crowd and noticed both Judy Jankowsky and the man who played her father nodding in agreement with Bobby.

"The next body was not covered in ketchup, it was blood." Bobby said with great affect. **"Malcolm the waiter was passed on, he was no more. He had ceased to be. He had expired and gone to meet his maker. He was stiff, bereft of life and rested in peace. He'd rung the curtain down and joined the choir invisible. He was an ex waiter!" **The big detective was stalking around the stage, emoting with theatrical could hear Rogers giggling but she didn't need to hear the other woman's mirth to know that her partner was losing it again. His speech once more carried the dulcet tones of an Englishman.

"Bobby!" She hissed again. Goren looked over at her in confusion and then nodded his understanding. "Malcolm had been stabbed in the same manner as Marjorie but this time with a real knife. One that did not match any of the other knives in the cruise table settings or in the kitchen utility. That meant the killer brought it with him or her. This meant they planned on killing someone, they had a premeditated design."

Both the crowd and the paid actors were on the edge of their seats, you could have heard a pin drop, maybe even a feather boa. Alex noticed Missy Hastings sitting very cozily with Kevin.

"Then we find out that the ship's Captain has been killed also and that it has taken place even earlier than Malcolm's murder. In fact, it must have occurred within the hour of our departure from shore. This time the crime is not premeditated, the killer used what was at hand to kill the Captain. The machete came, in fact, off of the Captain's own wall. So, not premeditated then. Was it two different killings with two different murderers?"

Alex rolled her eyes at his theatrical flourish. Except the part about the differences in the two ketchup brands, so far, Bobby hadn't told her anything she hadn't already deciphered on her own. She glanced over to Ross who was standing very straight, his arms crossed waiting to either bask in the glory if Goren pulled this off or throw him to the lions if he didn't.

Alex found that she had unconsciously crossed her fingers.

"Marjorie could you come join me up on stage, please?" Bobby was motioning for the woman to come forth.

Alex knew that the woman was enough of a ham that, even in these circumstances, it wouldn't take much persuading to get her up on the stage. Bobby helped the woman up the steps. Some poor confused souls managed a little applause before realizing their error.

"Thank you for helping me with this, Marjorie." Goren smiled and said in his most boyish voice. The woman smiled back at him, more than happy at that point to do anything he ask. "Can you tell me how you met Malcolm Turner?"

"I interviewed him and hired him as a waiter last week. This was his first night with us."

"Did you like him, Marjorie?"

"Well, of course, I liked him. I hired him, didn't I?" Bobby held up just one finger to silence her. He glanced over to Alex and then looked back out into the crowd.

"Mr. Abernathy, can you come up here, as well? I think it would make things easier for Ms. Weems." David stood undecided for a moment but as the crowd waited, he bound up the stage and took his place next to his client.

"So, Marjorie, you met Malcolm, you liked him and you hired him. Who was it that introduced him to you?"

"That was Missy."

"Missy, Missy, Missy, Mis…." It appeared that Bobby was stuck on the woman's name and Alex was about to step forward when he figured his way out of his verbal maze. "Miss Hastings, can you come up, as well?"

Missy floated up the steps holding gracefully to Goren's hand. She had the nerve to turn, still holding his hand and bow toward the crowd. Alex's fingers itched for her handcuffs.

"Miss Hastings, you told Malcolm about the job opening?" She nodded. "That was very nice of you." Bobby gave her a sparkling smile.

"Well, he was almost finished with school, his student loans would be coming due, I knew he needed the money." She smiled back at him and then shared the smile with the audience.

Bobby put up his finger again. "Hold that thought, because money is definitely an issue here but we have one more player missing." He searched the crowd and his gaze finally fell on one he was looking for. "Kevin, hey bar keep!" Kevin didn't move and looked like he might bolt. "Let's give Kevin a big round of applause for his service this evening." The surly man took the stage but gave Bobby a look of pure venom.

"So we have several of the people responsible for the success of The Agatha Christie's Magical Mystery Tour Company here. We have the owner, Ms. Weems, we have one of her charming actresses, we have her diligent bartender." Bobby shot a grin at Alex. "And we have the accountant that keeps the financials ship shape. Who we don't have any longer is the Captain and Malcolm, two people who stood in someone's way."

Bobby paced back and forth on the stage rubbing his hands over his face. "This is a knotty little problem, with a tangled bunch of suspects, most of whom are connected in ways that are unknown to the others."

He started pacing again and Alex's heart sank, she was losing hope that her drug addled partner was going to be able to pull the rabbit out of his hat. Then a small piece of the puzzle fell into place for her, one that her partner was unaware of.

"Miss Jankowsky, can you come up here as well?" Alex stepped up next to Bobby. "You were Malcolm's girlfriend, right?" Judy nodded. "And what had he just finished studying in school?"

"He was studying accounting."

"You told me that Missy and Malcolm were half brother and sister, right?" Judy nodded. Alex saw Bobby's face break into a smile when he learned that piece of information.

"Marjorie, did you notice on his application, what the nature of his schooling had been?" Alex asked.

"Well, he had experience waiting tables, to tell the truth, I didn't really look at the rest of his application. I wasn't expecting…."

"Ah, ha!" Bobby cried rounding theatrically back to the crowd. **"Always, expect the Spanish Inquisition!"** He shook his head vigorously.

Marjorie fanned herself vigorously and Abernathy stepped forward valiantly to support her. "Detective, I think this has gone on long enough."

"Ms. Weems," Bobby said in his most somber voice. "I regret to inform you that someone aboard you ship has been using it to transport heroin." The crowd broke out in pandemonium at the detective's revelation. Alex herself, felt the need to use her hand to close her jaw that was hanging open. Marjorie finally had her last curtain call and managed a very real and ladylike faint directly into David Abernathy's arms.

Ross came forward. "Can you prove that, Goren?"

"I was passed out…err…..rather lying on the bar booth cushions looking for one of my seasick pills that I had dropped. It had rolled down into the cushion and I found the kilos when I pulled the cushion off. There are 8 booths with about 10 kilos each in every booth cushion."

Ross gave a low whistle and then took off with Rogers to go secure the evidence.

The crowd was whispering among themselves and then the portly Inspector Clouseau stood up and ask the question on everyone's lips. "Whodunit?" There was a resounding chorus of approval from the crowd. Bobby and Alex looked at each other. Alex watched as her partner gave her a sly wink and foxy grin and then turned his attention back to the room.

"The Captain had to have been in on the drug trafficking. He was the only one who would have been able to orchestrate the ship's quick rendezvous with the "go fast boats" during the banquet meal when everyone was here in this room and occupied. If he had acted alone, he wouldn't be dead now." Bobby let his gaze trail over each of the people up on the stage. "Miss Hastings, you didn't think you and Kevin would get away with it, did you?"

"We didn't do anything! We didn't know anything about this!" Missy yelled.

Kevin response was to try to storm off the stage. Bobby caught hold of him and Kevin took swing after ineffectual swing at the man who held him at arms length.

"Yes you did, Missy. Kevin was in on it. He was the guy who stowed the cargo under the bar seats. He told you what the Captain was up to and who he was working with and then you and Kevy love here decided to take over for yourselves. You sent a message to the partner telling that person, what, that the Captain was quitting or that he wanted more money?" Missy continued to shake her head.

"Kevin and I thought something funny was going on. We were going to tell Ms Weems tonight." She rounded toward Marjorie and the accountant. "Its him!" She pointed theatrically at David. "He killed the Captain and he killed my brother, Malcolm!"

Marjorie wriggled out of Abernathy's arms and crabbed walked backward in an ungainly manner away from him over to where Alex stood. The accountant rose up and debonairly straightened his suit. "This is preposterous! I've worked for Ms. Weems for seven years."

Bobby advanced on the man. The room was as silent as a tomb. "Yes, you've worked for Marjorie, you not only used her boat to smuggle heroin but I'll bet, you've used her company to launder the money too. You received a message when you arrived on board that the Captain wanted more of the take. You went to his office and the two of you had words." Bobby paced slowly around the man. Alex could see fine beads of sweat break out on Abernathy's upper lip. "The Captain told you he never sent you the note but that he suspected it came from Kevin and Missy and then you decided that the old man had outlived his usefulness to you, after all, once the idea of wanting a raise had entered the man's head, it would be hard to get rid of, right?"

"Then you had a chance conversation with Miss Jankowsky here, who was all excited about having her boyfriend working with her. Did she tell you that he was Missy's brother? Did she tell you that he had just become an accountant?" David was swallowing hard as beads of sweat now rolled down his forehead. "Did you put two and two together like a good CPA and see that Missy was all set to replace you?"

"No, this is not true!"

"You went and confronted Malcolm but Missy hadn't told him anything yet. He had no idea what you were talking about." Bobby glanced over at his partner. Alex knew that look. "You took hold of a lemon slice off of the tray, blinded Malcolm with it and stabbed him to death. You stepped on the lemon as you left the freezer, that was what was on your shoes when I was looking at them in the bar."

Alex stepped forward and put her cuffs on the man. The crowd rose to their feet in a standing ovation. Bobby grabbed Alex's hand and led them both in a deep bow to their appreciative audience.

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A/N This chapter was named after Christie's book Yellow Iris

Heinz 57 and Hunts are American brands of ketchup or catsup depending on where you grew up and they do taste different.

"Go fasts" are the names of the quick and speedy boats used to meet the drug ships out in the gulf here in Florida, I assume the name would apply in New York harbor, as well.


	6. Ulterior Motives & Destined Opportunity

**A/N:** One correction from last chapter, as TheGoddessPixie pointed out Heinz ketchup is just that and Heinz 57 is their steak sauce, my bad, lol. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, altered and favorited, you are awesome!

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Chapter 6 Ulterior motives and Destined Opportunity

Back a One PP, Ross was in a very jovial mood. His detectives were responsible for closing down a fairly large heroin operation and they had caught a murderer, to boot, all within sight of the camera flash and the sound bytes of the press as they got off the ship.

"I don't think I've ever seen the Captain in such a good mood." Bobby said relaxing back in his desk chair.

"His motto isn't all's well that ends well, it's all's well that ends with good PR." Alex said sarcastically. She was tired and only had visions of her bed, the pillow and an unplugged alarm clock.

"You two can take off but I just have one more question." Ross came and sat on the edge of Alex's desk. "None of the amateur sleuths picked up on it, but I did." He crossed his arms over his chest, hoping he had found a flaw in Goren's summary of the crime. "You said the knife that killed Malcolm Turner was brought by the killer, that it didn't match any of the other kitchen or service knives but Malcolm's murder was spur of the moment. Who had Abernathy planned on killing?"

Alex shrugged. "Maybe he was going to kill Marjorie. I think he was tired of playing her paramour."

Bobby nodded. "I think when Marjorie's books and financial papers are examined that we'll find that he not only was using the boat for the shipments and the business to launder the money but that he has also falsified her will to show himself as the inheritor of her estate. I believe he planned on killing her and letting the police get the idea that some deranged mystery-obsessed passenger killed her. He could then run the company as see saw fit making sure to keep it as the perfect smuggling vehicle."

"Well you two take off, thanks for a job well done and an exciting weekend." Ross told them.

Rogers had just come out of the elevator. "I took a look at those pills you were gulping all night, Goren. Bobby raised both eyebrows at her. "The prescription was right but your pharmacist is an idiot. She tossed him the bottle. I called the pharmacy. They filled an RX for you and one for your mother, they mixed up the pills." Comprehension slowly dawned on the detective's face. He glanced at Alex and then back at Rogers. "You were taking her anti-depressant meds. Thank your lucky stars that it wasn't her anti-psychotics or we'd be at the ER pumping your stomach and punching you with an IV drip."

"He took a lot of those pills though." Alex let the concern show on her face.

Rogers looked the big detective up and down. "Well, he solved the case tonight, he looks okay. I don't think there will be any lasting side effects but someone should stay with him tonight, just in case." She leaned forward and patted Goren on the shoulder. "Monty Python, huh? I didn't know you had such a sophisticated sense of humor."

"What's she talking about?" Bobby looked questioningly at his partner.

"You don't remember taking your seasick pills?"

"Vaguely, I just know I didn't get seasick." Bobby started to gather his papers into his binder. Both detectives watch Ross help the Medical Examiner on with her coat and then stroll toward the elevators hand in hand.

"You don't remember quoting Monty Python, or speaking in a French accent, or pining me to the table and ki….never mind." Alex grabbed her purse and called over her shoulder. "Your place or mine?"

"Eames, I feel fine. I don't need a nursemaid." He grabbed his coat and binder and trotted after her.

"Good cuz its three in the morning and I will probably be too tired to stop you if you decided to run out in the streets naked quoting Romeo and Juliette." She punched the button for the elevator.

"I'm really more of a Hamlet kind of guy." He said with a shy smile. He had placed his white fedora back on his head instead of carrying it. Alex couldn't help but grin up at him, the hat suited him so well. "So what else did I forget about tonight?" He moved toward her, backing her into the corner of the elevator car. "Cuz I do remember some things from tonight."

"Oh, like what?" Alex challenged him, a devilish smile spreading across her face, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Oh, I remember the bartender gave you some strange green drink."

"Mmmm, that's true but you politely pointed out the error of his ways."

"I remember you were sitting with Abernathy, it looked like the two of you were having a nice conversation." He leaned down and purred in her ear. One hand came up and swept the hair back away from her neck. "I didn't like that."

"Oh, really?" Alex said tritely, her higher brain function was beginning to diminish.

"Mmm Hmm." He said, matter-of-factly.

"Uh huh, and what were you doing with Missy in her cabin?" She let her hand come up to twirl playfully through his hair and around his ear.

"I was questioning a suspect." He let his mouth move from her ear slowly over her cheek. "You know what I think?"

Alex felt his lips just barely brush over hers. "What's that?"

"I think my place is closer, that's what I think." He let his hand come down and span around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"That's you, Bobby, **always looking on the bright side of life." **She reached her hands up to pull his face down to hers.

The elevator slowed and stopped at the third floor. By the time the door opened, the janitor with his cleaning cart only saw two detectives wearing funny clothes staring wearily at the numbers on the elevator panel.

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This Chapter was named after Christie's book Motive and Opportunity

I would have loved to place this some time during the first few years and have Deakins be Captain but in order to easily put Rogers on the boat I figured having her as Ross' date was best.

I love Monty Python, they are classic comedy. I am old enough to be well schooled in Agatha Christie, Nancy Drew, Inspector Clouseau, Jessica Fletcher, Father Dowling and Sherlock Holmes. I have always loved mysteries and this is my tribute to the genre.

Thanks for reading!


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